Welcome back, Pancake patrons!

This dynamic issue is fresh out of beta testing, absolutely guaranteed to galvanize a current of laughter (alternating or direct, whatever charges your battery). All the savvy shoppers know that we’re peddling the most powerful punch with our prose, poetry, and photography, so don’t fall a generation behind!

Speaking of which, in this issue, we are proud to welcome the newest addition to the Hobo Pancakes Team.  Our editorial intern, Ruth “Rooster” Flanagan, who joins us fresh from a stint as editor of the Twilight Encampment Retirement Community Newsletter, will be laying down her vintage brand of wisdom as she responds to our “Letters to the Editor” and exploring the wonders of Photoshop with new feature “Hot Men With Breakfast Foods.” We’ve grown to begrudgingly tolerate Rooster, and we know you will, too.

Otherwise, we’ll be launching your regularly scheduled laughter with mechanized precision.  The world’s first computer programmer, Ada Lovelace, tackles the programming of the human heart as a guest columnist in this issue’s “Past Help.”  “I Have No Idea Where To Mail All This Ricin” reveals the bewildering side of the zeitgeist’s favorite deadly poison, “Meddling Kids Mar Ebola Rock Jubilee” explores the difficulty presented by teenaged sleuthing operations, and “Refrigerator Time Machine” puts a chill on everyone’s era-skipping ambitions. “No Comment” finds managing editor Kelly Anneken manufacturing the pleasure of others while editor-at-large Isa Hopkins explains the underreported phenomenon of discrimination against America’s “brogrammers.”

So go ahead! Treat yourself to that fancy e-reader assembled by overworked, undercompensated Chinese factory workers and sold to you by an internet superstore that is destroying job opportunities for experienced retail customer service reps—all the better to enjoy the moderate-by-comparison absurdity that is Hobo Pancakes!

With consumable, electronic sincerity,

The Hobo Pancakes Team

Letters to the Editor

by Ruth “Rooster” Flanagan, editorial intern

No Comment

“Fifty Shades of Speed”

by Kelly Anneken, managing editor

Salute Our Shorts: The News in Brief

“Ripping the Headlines”

by Paul Lander

Screams & Grumbles
“I Have No Idea Where to Mail All This Ricin”

by Justin Laub

Past Help

by Augusta Ada King, Countess of Lovelace, guest columnist

Annals of the Flesh

“Boys See Beth”

by Dan Nielsen

Department of Human Resources

“Cover Letter to be Submitted Via Email”

by Thomas Rankin

The Astral Plane

“Obits From the Future”

by Mrs. Sowerberry

Department of Bad Trips

“Refrigerator Time Machine”

by Sarah M. Blood

“My Digital Reality”

by Eric Suhem

No, YOU’RE Fucked Up!

“Meddling Kids Mar Ebola Rock Jubilee”

by Colleen Wilson

By Design

“Introducing Hungry Hole”

by Theodore Klein


“A Few Minutes of Pleasant Beeping”

by William Blomstedt

Iambic Ixplosion

“Tweet From the Third Pew”

by Timothy Pilgrim

“A Victory for Electronics”

by C.H. Nissan

“TV Dinner His Ass”

by AJ Huffman

“Ode to a Guilty Pleasure”

by Rebecca Kurtz

“Dweeb scarfs down yellow thing on a stick”

by Timothy Pilgrim

Smack-Talk of the Town

“Defending the Brogrammer”

by Isa Hopkins, editor-at-large

Photographic Evidence

“Sometimes a Saint, Sometimes a Sinner”

“It’s Just a Cock”

by Brett Stout

“Hot Men With Breakfast Foods: Tech Edition”

by Ruth “Rooster” Flanagan, editorial intern