Issue 13: Immigration


Welcome back, pioneering Pancake passengers!

You don’t need social capital to enjoy our absurdist melting pot because there’s no annual quota for humor.  Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free–we’ll deport them if they don’t bust a gut laughing.

This issue is a gateway to so much first-generation prose and permanent resident poetry that we guarantee the hilarity will make you hit the hemispheric ceiling. “Great Apes” is an omnibus of early hominid accomplishment, “Border Crossing” examines the perils of travel in the afterlife, and “Instructional Pamphlet for the Reluctant Homeowner” offers practical advice for those who took advantage of low-cost real estate without fully considering the consequences.  “No Comment” chronicles managing editor Kelly Anneken’s adventures in duty free shopping and editor-at-large Isa Hopkins recounts her Cuban grandfather’s comically harrowing journey to America in “Smack-Talk of the Town.”

Also of note is Pope Benedict XIV’s final edition of “Ask Papa Ratzi,” completed just before he ended his time as pontiff.  We here at Hobo Pancakes feel very fortunate to have worked with a man as rich in wisdom as he was in war crimes, child rape coverups, and crazy hats. We wish His Holiness every success in his retirement and will announce his replacement in our next issue.

So shake off the INS, dust off that green card, get your docket under control, and enjoy the internet citizenship test that is Hobo Pancakes!

With immigrational sincerity,

The Hobo Pancakes Team

Letters to the Editor

No Comment

“Wig Loose and Duty-Free”

by Kelly Anneken, managing editor

Screams & Grumbles

“Hassled (by a piece of meat)”

by E. Watson

Salute Our Shorts

“Ripping the Headlines”

by Paul Lander

Annals of the Flesh

“Ask Papa Ratzi”

by His Holiness Benedict XVI, formerly Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger

Articles of Faith

“Good God”

by Jack Bristow

Unwanted Advice

“High on Life”

by Jordan Rubio

“Instructional Pamphlet for the Reluctant Homeowner”

by Jessica Wheeler


“Great Apes”

by Michael Wolman

“The Safest Hiding Spot”

by Andy Simmons

The Locker Room


by Joseph Kirkham

Judgment Day

“Border Crossing”

by Daniel DiPrinzio

The Scrotal Sector

“A Girl Named Hannah”

by Jack Bristow

Department of Human Resources

“The Transplant”

by Adam Rabasca

The Space-Time Continuum


by Sameer Saklani

Iambic Ixplosion

“Ode to Pac-Man”

by AJ Huffman


by Riley Welcker

Smack-Talk of the Town

“Sierra Maestra”

by Isa Hopkins, editor-at-large