“Obits From the Future”
by Mrs Sowerberry
Former President North West Dead at 121
February 7, 2134
The world mourned today for former president and United World chairperson North West as she lay in state in the Rotunda of the Capitol building in Washington DC. Nearly 3 million people poured into our nation’s capital to pay tribute to the two-time Nobel Prize winner, causing gridlock all across the city. “No one seemed to mind too much,” according to DC police chief Darrell Phillips. “On some streets, people just left their cars, all of ‘em, and walked over to the Capitol. She was a special lady. This is a special day.”
Dr. West was born June 15, 2013 to parents Kim Kardashian and Kanye West (commonly identified with the portmanteau “Kimye,” inkeeping with the pop culture nomenclature of the early 21st century). Despite their combined fame, Ms. Kardashian (a pioneer in docudrama or “reality tv” and notable philanthropist) and Mr. West (a producer-turned-rapper-turned-
After receiving her doctorate, Dr. West eagerly dove into developing new ways to minimize the ill-effects of aging and extend the average human lifespan in cooperation with the SENS Research Foundation, working at Harvard University, Rice University, and the Buck Insitute for Aging Research. After many years of near-obsessive work, Dr. West was awarded the 2063 Nobel Prize in Medicine for developing the groundbreaking stem cell-derived anti-aging treatment that radically extended her own life, as well as the lives of so many others.
In 2066 Dr. West left her prestigious career in medical research to join her parents in their efforts to counteract income inequality in North America. Ms. Kardashian, under the tutelage of her mentor, Oscar-winner and UN Ambassador Angelina Jolie, founded the Kardashian-West Center for the American Dream. Together with her husband, Ms. Kardashian assembled a think tank and a team of lobbyists in order to encourage legislative reforms that would offer every family in America access to healthy food, affordable housing and transportation, comprehensive education, a living wage, and health care. Dr. West joined her father and former First Lady Michelle Obama as part of a nationwide series of town hall meetings to encourage civic engagement around wealth redistribution. It was on this tour that Ms. Obama first suggested that Dr. West consider a second career in politics.
A magnetic public speaker and gifted conversationalist, Dr. West won her first campaign and began her first term as junior Senator from California in 2069. She experienced a meteoric rise, working tirelessly to bring conservatives and progressives together, and is widely credited with inspiring both Democrats and Republicans to restructure their platforms and move the national conversation away from divisive social issues and toward limiting the influence corporations could wield in matters of legislation and electoral politics.
After only seven years in the Senate, Dr. West won the 2076 presidential election, narrowly defeating now-disgraced ultra-conservative demagogue Marcus Duggar. While Dr. West focused her domestic efforts on women’s rights and promoting racial and religious equality, she was a key force in revamping the United Nations, emphasizing a need to return to the organization’s original peacekeeping mission and moving past international conflicts to ensure the safety and well-being of each member nation’s constituents. In her best known public appearance, 2080’s “A World United for Peace” speech, Dr. West proclaimed, “We must strive to create a world in which no man, woman, or child goes hungry, loses her home or her life, or is forced to commit murder to satisfy the whims of those trying to gain an additional sixteenth of an inch of territory on a map.” Despite opposition from numerous nations including China, North Korea, and Israel, the organization changed its name to “United World” in 2084, and Dr. West’s tenure as president was extended through 2088 in order to ensure a smooth transition. She remains the only US president other than Franklin D. Roosevelt to serve more than two terms in office.
Under her guidance, United World adopted a zero-tolerance policy toward violent or deadly conflict, refusing to offer assistance to warring factions. Although President West’s critics suggested that such a stance meant that more citizens would perish from starvation and illness in any conflict, she pointed to the UW’s security council and its largely successful campaign to halt production of deadly weapons and remained firm in her conviction that any humanitarian aid for victims of war appeared to aggressors as “a tacit approval of their destructive choices and as such, encouragement for the proliferation of war.”
Following her exit from the Oval Office and the tragic deaths of Ms. Kardashian and Mr. West in a plane crash in 2089, Dr. West returned to her parents’ Center for the American Dream and adapted its tactics for use in conflict reduction in poverty-stricken, rural areas in Africa, Central and South America, Central and Eastern Europe, the Middle East and Asia. Along with a team of “violence interrupters” from Chicago, Illinois, Dr. West won the 2093 Nobel Peace Prize for successfully implementing conflict mediation on a large scale in Colombia, Somalia, and Russia. These programs were eventually expanded worldwide and many are still in operation today.
Dr. West retired to Maui in 2095, living out her days gardening and watching classic Melissa McCarthy comedies at her modest estate along with her lifelong friend, novelist Blue Ivy Carter. It has been speculated that the two had been lovers since their late 20s, but Ms. Carter has always denied these rumors. “It’s an Oprah-Gayle thing,” she joked in her introduction to Dr. West’s Lifetime Achievement Award at last year’s Peace Over Violence Humanitarian Awards. “Knox [Pitt-Jolie, Carter’s longtime partner, now deceased] is our Stedman! Besides, after North signed the Sexual Orientation and Identity Protection Act into law back in ’79, why would we ever need to keep it a secret?”
Dr. West is survived by numerous cousins on her mother’s side of the family. She will be interred at Arlington National Cemetery in a private ceremony on Saturday. The family has requested flowers be sent in Dr. West’s honor to “anyone you think needs a little cheering up, because North’s favorite thing besides changing the world was a beautiful flower arrangement.”