The Random Thoughts of JHM

Random Thought: Prank Chat!

Welcome to an online chat session at Bank of America. Please hold while we connect you to the next available Bank of America Online Banking Specialist. Your chat may be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. Your current wait time is approximately 0 minutes. Thank you for your patience.

Fred: Hello! My name is Fred. Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer. How may I help you with your personal checking and savings opened in the state of California?

You: Hello? Can you see me? How’d you do that?

Fred: Yes!

You: Hello?

Fred: Yes!

You: Oh. Hi.

Fred: How may I help you today?

Fred: Hi!

Fred: How are you doing today?

You: I’m fine, thank you. Very fine. I don’t trust you. Fred, look, let’s cut the crap. Both of us know you work for the Bourgeoisie and that’s okay and why I don’t trust you. My account’s overdrawn. I haven’t yet been charged a fee but, like I say, I don’t trust you. Either you or another member of your party, one of the bourgeoisies of America, is trying to set me up, trying send me to the guillotine, to hustle me for another fee or something else. Oh, wait, don’t tell me, let me guess: the first overdraft fee hasn’t yet posted because somebody, some bourgeois over there just pulled the “HOLD ON LET’S FUCK THIS GUY SOME MORE!” switch, which in this case means I’m the guy, and whoever this someone is, the one that’s in charge of the switch and my account, must be just waiting for me to overdraw my account again, and that way the bourgeoisie can then charge me for not only one, but two “GO FUCK YOURSELF!” overdraft charges!!! Yay Fred! Will I be charged these fees sometime soon? Please?

Fred: I understand you would like to know if the account will be charged with overdraft fee.

You: Yes. Please.

Fred: I will look into this and help you in the best possible way.

You: You’re still there, right?

Fred: May I please have your full name and last 4 digits of the account in the question?

You: No I don’t trust you.

Fred: Yes I am with you.

You: Okay fine. Jason Mack 3921

Fred: Thank you, Jason.

Fred: Please give me a moment while I pull up your account details.

You: I’m sorry for — sure thing — having to ask you if you’re still there all the time. it’s just that my computer keeps yelling at me to install this stupid additional plug-in, but i don’t want to install this stupid additional plug-in because I don’t trust Quicktime, either, bro. You know what I mean?

Fred: Jason, I understand your point of view.

Fred: That’s fine.

You: That’s the perfect answer, Fred. I’m feel better, knowing that you understand my point of view.

You: Thanks.

Fred: You are welcome.

Fred: Jason, I see that there were two transactions which overdrew your account.

You: Yes. On the 17th, I believe.

Fred: Yes, Jason. It was on 17th. However account was overdrawn by less than $10.00 by the end of the day.

Fred: So the account will not incur overdraft fees.

You: So what does that mean?

You: Woooooomotherfuckinhoo! No fees Fred!

You: I’m goin to Vegas baby!

Fred: Yes there will be no fee!

You: Thanks, Fred. You’re the man.

Fred: You are most welcome.

Fred: Thank you!!

Fred: Is there anything else I can help you with?

You: That is all. Have a great weekend.

Fred: You are most welcome.

Fred: I personally thank you for being a valued long time customer of us. We greatly appreciate your business.

You: Yeah, yeah.

Fred: Take care and have a great day!

Fred: Please click the “Close” button on the upper right corner of the chat window.

You: Are you telling me what to do, Fred?

Fred: No. I am only a teller.

You: Ha! Ha! Teller! Good one! Bye.

3 thoughts on “The Random Thoughts of JHM”

  1. My favorite: You: Woooooomotherfuckinhoo! No fees Fred!
    I’m sorry for — sure thing — having to ask you if you’re still there all the time.
    LOL! You know, Jason, you featured prominently in my letter to the Editor. 😉 I consider you my inspiration. xoxoxeni

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