Infallible advice from the Vatican’s very own love doctor!
Ciao bello to my adopted Italian brother! Unfortunately, I come to you today because of a problem with another Italian brother. My dearest Papa, I fear I have a touch of the sin in me — the sinful lust for a man. It is my brother, you see; we have worked together for years but now he takes me on adventures, to all different levels, with talking turtles and princesses and go-karts. It is all too much, and he wears these red overalls that are so cute, he looks just like a young Al Pacino. If Al Pacino could fix your sink and race go-karts. I have been rolling gnocchi and drying prosciutto for a special night, but I know in my heart that no matter which wine I select for the evening, it is all wrong!
Seriously, Papa, what do I do?
My dear Luigi,
You are correct in that this is sin in your heart, and it is wrong. The Heavenly Father, however, offers a path to salvation: whatever your orientation, so long as you do not act on it in sin, you may still find yourself with Christ. It is, as we say in the Catholic Church, a useful loophole.
Now, although your planned meal sounds delicious, and your grasp of fine Italian cuisine solid, I ask that you put down the pasta and Chianti and trade romance for a rosary. Perhaps this is an activity in which you and your brother might be wise to engage together; it is free of “talking turtles” but rich with spiritual reward. I recommend in particular the Sorrowful Mysteries of the rosary, that you might reflect upon the great sacrifice made by the Son of God and so reconsider your trip into sinfulness. If Jesus suffered crucifixion to cleanse us of sin, then surely you can remain pure in the presence of your kin, no matter the color of his overalls.
Yours in the Eucharist,
His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, formerly Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Defender of the Roman Faith