The Random Thoughts of JHM

Random Thought: Eggos Are Important

Tomorrow morning, at eight sixteen a.m., a spokesman for an Eggo factory in Chicago will announce that the plant will shut down operations indefinitely and effective immediately because of heavy wind damage done to the factory during a ferocious winter storm. Over the next hour thirteen hundred Americans will burn their tongues at Starbucks after being startled by vibrations of their iPhone’s incoming news alerts about the crisis. At high noon an Eggo waffle factory in California will explode due to a “sewage pipe malfunction” after someone flushes a super turd with enough magnitude to back up the sewage system of an entire city grid. The factory’s sewage pipes will not be able to withstand the amount pressure that the shit will create. Someday it will be referred to as the turd heard round the world. Around one fifteen congress will call for the immediate extraction of all US military employees in Iraq and Afghanistan amidst reports of a sudden and extreme decline in troop morale because of the news about the Eggo crisis and the greatening concerns about breakfast. At four thirteen the CEO of Eggo’s will hold an emergency press conference and inform the media that the company has decided to “let go of Eggo’s” and discontinue waffle production until further notice because of the recent tragedies involving the company and its dear employees. Between four thirty and five o’clock a man will be trampled by looters pursuing the last packs of Eggo’s at a supermarket in Orange County, California. Gary Robinson will die hungry again.

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