Issue 19: ACTIVISM


Welcome back, hard-core hobo holdouts!   Our nineteenth issue is burning its bra, organizing for a cause, and standing up to The Man.  Occupy yourself with all of our new proletariat poetry & power-sharing prose, then be sure to take a strike at capitalism with a voluntary subscription or by buying some swag.  (Merch: the key to any successful revolution!)

Some sad news from HP HQ: managing editor Kelly Anneken, last seen in a hospital after stalking Miley Cyrus — and ending up in a fiery car crash — for a piece in our previous issue (“Celebrity”), has passed on.  She’s not dead or anything, but apparently some “jobs” give you “health insurance”, or whatever — the whole situation is worth protesting, really.  In the meantime, we’ve got plenty to get you through your mourning.  Curtis Pierce walks us through proper editorial technique in “Sensitivity Workshop,” while Edward Kennedy’s “Congenital Issues” takes us back to the awkward glory of adolescent sexuality.  Peter Russell’s “Press Announcement” calls citizens to arms, while in “Hot Men With Breakfast Foods,” editorial intern Ruth “Rooster” Flanagan offers us man-candy culled from the ranks of social justice’s finest.  Put aside your signs, posters, and speeches, and dig in to the commune of literary absurdism that is Hobo Pancakes.

With activist sincerity,

the HP team

Screams & Grumbles

“An Open Letter to Amateur Bigfoot Hunters, Sasquatch Specialists and Armchair Cryptozoology Enthusiasts Everywhere” by Chris McVetta

“Press Announcement” by Peter Russell

Salute Our Shorts: The News in Brief

“Ripping the Headlines” by Paul Lander

Department of Human Resources

“Sensitivity Workshop” by Curtis Pierce

“So You Wanna Be A Cult Leader” by Annah Feinberg

Articles of Faith

“The 11th Commandment” by Jim Norman

‘Graph Garden

“Fist Fight” by Greg Letellier

“A Pricy Peach” by Virginia Doyle

Judgment Day

“Occupy Hell” by Michael Pilla

Division of Infrastructure

“The Discovery” by Ian Starttoday

“An Ode To The Odd-Bodies” by Lindsay Dykman

No, YOU’RE Fucked Up!

“Five Attempts To Derive Meaning From A Sucky Situation” by Brian Anderson

The Locker Room

“A Moveable Pee” by Alex Rosenfeld

Literary Stylings

“Paperback Writer” by Mattia Ravasi

Enchanted Affairs

“Long Away & Far Ago” by Nikki Stern

Chronicles of Higher Education

“The Great Gucci” by Morgan Smalley

The Scrotal Sector

“Congenital Issues” by Edward Kennedy


“No More Pigs” by David Hagerty

Department of Bad Trips

“Gentrified Chicken” by Phillipp Daniels

“Red Blades” by Jennifer Porter

The Palate Cleanser

“But I’m Hungry” by Carol Kohn

“Family Barbecue” by Edward Kennedy

Iambic Ixplosion

“Blind Date Venus” by Eric Howard

“Church Ladies” by Rose Betit

Smack-Talk of the Town

“Cruelty-Free Cocaine” by Isa Hopkins, editor-in-chief

Photographic Evidence

“Hot Men With Breakfast Foods: Activism” by Ruth “Rooster” Flanagan, editorial intern