Issue 18: Celebrity
Welcome back, paid-up Pancake paparazzi!
Our 18th issue celebrates its legal adulthood like all the best celebrities: coke and strippers in a Hummer limo. But there’s more than just Cristal in the offing — there’s more pre-interviewed prose, pawed-at poetry, and fame-whoring photography in here than a plethora of People.
“The California Valley Oak accepts the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences Honorary Award at the 6th annual Governors’ Awards Dinner” is a story about, well, the California Valley Oak accepting the Academy of Motion — you get the picture. Abe Vigoda reminds you that he is still alive in “Abe Vigoda is Still Alive”, and “Casanova Jehovah” recounts that time that God wouldn’t stop hitting on Mary. Editorial intern Ruth “Rooster” Flanagan brings us some prime specimens of attractive male in “Hot Men With Breakfast Foods”, and Smack-Talk of the Town revisits Dane Cook’s sub-Saharan African tour. “No Comment” does not appear in this issue, as managing editor Kelly Anneken is recovering from injuries received when her attempts to secure surreptitious snaps of Miley Cyrus took a dark turn (feral dogs, fiery car crash, and no health insurance).
So go ahead! Toss aside your US Weekly and make room for the absurdist event that is Hobo Pancakes. If we’re not famous enough for you now, just wait until our sex tape drops!
With celebrated sincerity,
The Hobo Pancakes Team
Salute Our Shorts: The News in Brief
“Ripping the Headlines”
by Paul Lander
“The California Valley Oak Accepts the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences Honorary Award at the 6th Annual Governors’ Awards Dinner”
by Emily Carpenter
“Affordable Energy Act”
by William R. Chatterson
“Man & Dinosaur Together Again”
by Zachary Puente
“Movie Sequels”
by Jason Montes
“Listen Up, Men of the Internet”
by Katie Pecho
Department of Etymological Nonsense
“Objective Correlative”
by Reginald Fairfax
“Abe Vigoda Is Still Alive”
by Douglas Sovern
“A Legend (In My Own Mind)”
by L. Soviero
“Buggered”
by Ben Drevlow
“Pickled Thighs”
by Quinn Hull
“Dear Management”
by Ben Unglesbee
“Loading”
by John Mitchel
“Frank & Martha & Craig”
by Dan Nielsen
“The Night We Killed Steven Spielberg”
by Hannah Sloane
“The Steaptopygous Poetry of a Bad Winter Day”
by Kelly Jameson
“Hillbilly”
by Mat Woolfenden
“The Synchronist”
by Thomas Ventimiglia
Chronicles of Higher Education
“Off the Cuff”
by Paul Handley
“Casanova Jehovah”
by Sara Palmer
“A Treatise on Charles Darwin’s Theory of Natural Selection & Al Bundy’s Predilection for Big ‘Uns”
by Ric Reichert
“Some Genius”
by Robert Macadaeg
“The Soloist”
by Mike Jackson
“With Abandon”
by Kelly Graham
“Cosmic Sunflower Girl Fights Back”
by Eric Suhem
“Mortimer Grimes: The World’s Second Oldest Bank Robber”
by Phedra Deonarine
“Bond Has Hemorrhoids”
by Art Heifetz
“Advice to a Prospective English Major”
by Dan Morey
“Reptile Christ Came to my Uncle’s Funeral”
by Katie Eber
“and so madness reigns supreme”
by Rose Betit
“Dane Cook: Live from Mogadishu”
by Isa Hopkins, editor-at-large
“Hot Men with Breakfast Food”
by Ruth “Rooster” Flanagan, editorial intern