Howdy there,
I hope you’re keeping well. I’m just getting in touch to ask if you’re in need of any freelance writing at Hobo Pancakes – if so, it’d be an honor to help out and I would love to get involved if you have any need for me.
I’m 29 have been working full-time as a professional writer and researcher for five years; in that time there isn’t a lot I haven’t already covered (there are a few samples below for you to check out). Anything I send over would be written with the site’s readership in mind – as long as you’re happy with the resulting material, you’d be welcome to publish it as you see fit and the content will be owned by you entirely (in that I won’t send it to anyone else, either before or after publication.)
The good news is that I’d be able to offer my services at no charge; the only thing I would ask in return is that I’m able to include a link to a company within the article – nothing adult or in bad taste, just one of the professional businesses for which I freelance. Otherwise I’d be happy to chat about alternative arrangements if you’d rather not link to a corporate site.
Do let me know if you’re interested, and if so I can get something written for you over the course of the next few days. Needless to say, the offer is open to any other sites you might own as well as hobopancakes.com. I appreciate that this kind of offer is not for everyone however, so if I don’t hear from you I won’t trouble you again.
Very best,
Imogen
Some samples for your delectation:
[Redacted]
Dear Imogen,
Are you a real person? Because what sort of professional writer and researcher wants to be a copywriter for an online absurdist humor journal that generates no revenue? What sort of person is named Imogen? Who uses the word delectation? Is that like lactation? If so, we are both uninterested and repulsed.
Also, you want us to include a link to a company you work for that doesn’t lead anywhere “adult or in bad taste?” Here’s a tip, Imogen: next time you try to scam an online absurdist humor journal, try reading some of their content first. You clearly don’t know us at all.
Angrily yours,
The Hobo Pancakes Team
Sex without commitments. Hookup with promiscuous wives. Join swingers parties for sex.
Allen McDowell
Dear Allen,
Initially, we were excited by this note. It’s short, to the point, and brimming with adult content. We were about to email you about possibly linking directly to this corporate site from every article in our upcoming issue, but we stopped when we realized that the URL suggests the presence of cats.
What are we to infer from this? Are we being led to a website featuring felines having NSA relations? Are these promiscuous cat wives we can hope to hook up with? Can we look forward to bowls of Fancy Feast at these swingers’ parties?
There’s just too many questions for us at this juncture. Our standards are notoriously low, but bestiality, with or without p4nts, is just going too far. Good day to you, sir.
Judgmentally yours,
The Hobo Pancakes TeamÂ
Dear Kelly and Isa,
I’m writing to say that I love the new issue of Hobo Pancakes. “Smut N’ Eggs” and “Dear Monica” look great up on the site. I got a particular kick out of “The Life of Kurt,” and “Institute of Follicular Studies Releases Hair-Raising Report.”
I’ve directed my friends, family and twitter folks to the site, and look forward to reading future issues.
Best,
Kashana
Dear Kashana,
Thank you for not being a scam or a catnip-pushing fraud. And thank you for submitting your work! We love getting attention, too, so thanks for letting everyone you know about our awesome Twitter feed @hobopancakes. Feel free to encourage everyone you know to write us some “Letters to the Editor,” because though we like getting all frothy at the mouth about spam, it’s much better to connect with our fans. Keep writing and submitting, and don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone about that murder you confessed to in your post script.
Gratefully yours,
The Hobo Pancakes Team
0 thoughts on “Letters to the Editor”