Iambic Ixplosion

Sonnet 50 Cent
In memoriam of a passing sweet vehicle

by Kelly Anneken

Betimes you traveled, cross the dusty earth:
Many a merry minstrel’s melody
And mountains of my soiled garb you towed,
Humming softly despite your excess girth.
Thy smell, thy touch, thy limpid navy hue
Do haunt me still in waking and in dreams;
Thoughts of what might have been had we one clue
That we would part in clouds of smoke and screams.
I watched your crimson life spill ‘pon the road,
All your wheezes and wails and gasps for breath
As ripeness came to seeds long ago sowed,
O! Man’s mere invention cannot cheat death:
Crip’ling loss seems pointless and premature;
Deus ex machina, open some door!


by Talos D. Virgin

I’ve decided to become

A loser, professionally. Obviously

I dabble already, I’m not

just diving in head first,

my toes have been pruning

in the water for years and

I have a rather firm

grasp of what I’m in store

for (rice crispy treats? [no,

not that kind of store]).

Personal bragging is

tasteless, but I think I

can be a natural in this

field without much effort

(literally? [yes?]), I mean it’s

in my genes. When it comes down

to it I was almost bred for

this. on my family tree you’ll

find lay-abouts, drug addicts,

criminals and that’s just my

moms’ side. I’m like the {Alec Baldwin

of failure.

So when I say something

like I can do spectacularly

un-great things in my life, know

that I say it with a head

held low with pride. I plan

to put my tail so far between

my legs it will look like I

have an inverted/ upside down

beard on my chin [snap. (I don’t get it)].

While others will soar with the

eagles, I, will walk briskly with

a donated frozen turkey from

a homeless shelter.

That last one may have gone a

bit far. I don’t assume I’m just

going to become homeless. I’ve tried

before and failed [failing at failing,

how meta]. Down the road though, after

years of not working, leaving

projects half-started,

abandoning goals, and generally

giving up on dreams; maybe

if I’m lucky I’ll have

my own unkempt beard

and cardboard sign. Hopefully

I won’t have made it myself.

I feel like a child that

wants to be an astronaut,

looking to the end isn’t

everything, it’s the

journey [I don’t know who

that band is (I do)]. Again

I have a leg up because

there are many people

who believe in me, they

say I have a big talent.

The better to disappoint

you with [something dumb from

the other guy] (I think that mis-

characterizes me. I understand

you were condescending to me

I am not a fool, I have been

playing one for effect.)[convenient.

you know ALL the words I

know, but can you kneed

them when you need them?]

(Have you ever cringed at

knowing someone is so proud

of what they said? Like a

deep seeded gained shame.)

[Oh that barely makes sense!]

(Look, Jerry Lewis, my point is you

can’t judge me based on what

I’ve said in this comedic essay.)

[Mmm, no exclamation; not Dean? someone

cares about “seeming” the reason-

able one! “challenged Chucky”]

(“ruing up his face, Tom

warned” Wow, you’re really

going to make me hit

you?! Is an interabang

smart enough for you?!?!!

I don’t care how I look!!!?

“Tom relaxed his face

and drilled his eyes into

Chucky’s”)[“giving back

as good as he got, Chucky

stared and matter-of-

factly prodded” Interrobang.

](That’s debatable! “Tom

whipped himself around and

jostled the young wit, Chucky,

until he was out of place.

Chucky vied forward and

pulled down a lower-case

‘f’ that was over his head.

using the ‘f’ as a hook he

looped it around, Tom, and

tried to close him in.

the sideless Tom tumbled

out and away, knocking

free the ‘f’ from Chucky’s

grasp. the two stared

at each other, facing

for the first time with

no letter between them,

no space to gap the

two. they where for

the first time, sequential.

the truth of their

sameness infuriated them

each similarly. across and

down the page they rage on,

from left to right deep

into the margins with

no end in sight. from afar

it must look like an

awkward circle in

disagreance with its

own structure, but up close

these two powerful punks

were punctuating with

purpose and form”}{

What are you guys doing?}

“who are you?”

{Alec Baldwin.} “oh, from-”

{Earlier yes. what is going

on?}”oh, ha, i don’t

really know anymore. Were you

there the whole time?”{Yes.

You guys need to stop.}

“right. are you the real Alec

Baldwin?”{is he?}

“you’re right. I’m sorry. We’ll

stop.”{Don’t apologize

just stop}”okay{Stop.}”


{Good bye.}) my pretties!

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