The Random Thoughts of JHM

Random Thought: God is either Indiana Jones or Morgan Freeman.

Indiana Jones:

Why is it that Indiana Jones chooses the old and dirty cup in that secret dungeon? It’s because Indiana Jones is God, probably.

The first guy has shit for brains, so he chooses a gold cup then he explodes. Moron. Indy is the second guy. His brain doesn’t idle. Ever. It’s because he’s sharp, see. Using his eyes, Indy watches the first guy choose poorly and explode. Now Indy is a history teacher, which comes in handy and plays a role in making his decision to choose the correct cup because Christ, a man of little or no wealth, must’ve drank from an old and dirty cup. The cup’s righteousness is obviously unfamiliar to the first guy, who doesn’t even get a chance to blush before he explodes. So Indy sips the holy water, which must taste like salt water because of his reaction. He is then blessed with immortality and, thus, is God.

Morgan Freeman:

Why do you think he played God in Bruce the Almighty? It’s because Morgan Freeman is God, too, God #2. He definitely has the voice of God; it’s euphonic and magnificent. In fact I want Morgan Freeman to tell me an endless story. Actually, it doesn’t even have to be a story. He could just say words and I’d sit on the ground with my legs crossed like a kindergartner. Any words, too, like “Joe” or “hot dog” or “green” or “Neosporin” or “lemonade” or anything just as long as I’m close enough to hear him say it. He could even just bark or do the helicopter sound with his lips and tongue if he felt like it. Morgan Freeman has the voice of the Almighty, so he must be at least half-God, too. Yup.

Random Thought: Enya Is the Shit

I love listening to Enya. Even when I’m sober and sharp like a rusty shank. Caribbean Blue is my favorite song. Oh it’s so great!

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