Infallible advice from the Vatican’s very own love doctor!
Sometimes it burns when I pee. Should I tell my girlfriend?
-J.D. in PA
My dear J.D.,
The burning sensation you are now experiencing is but a small taste of the fiery damnation that awaits you in the afterlife if you do not give up your current profligacy. Premarital sex is a shame in the eyes of God; a mortal sin. If your proclivities damage your ability to procreate, what then will your sexual purpose be?? Think hard on these matters. Pray, and pray the rosary. Tell your girlfriend you will no longer do her the spiritual harm of sinful copulation. This, plus a heavy load of doctor-prescribed medication, shall cleanse and cure you and bathe you in the light of Christ.
Yours in the Eucharist,
His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, formerly Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Defender of the Roman Faith