Ask Papa Ratzi

Infallible advice from the Vatican’s very own love doctor!

Dear Pope,

It has been too long.  I know you are a busy man, but I am also a busy man.  And now you have your Christmas coming up to keep us apart even longer.

In your reply to my last letter, you spoke of your love for borscht.  Here is a borscht recipe to tantalize you into visiting Moscow:

  • 1 pound cubed beef stew meat
  • 1 marrow bone or meaty beef bone
  • 1 medium clove garlic, peeled
  • 1 medium carrot, peeled and coarsely chopped
  • 1 medium celery stalk, coarsely chopped
  • 1 medium leek, coarsely chopped
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 12 whole black peppercorns
  • 2 quarts water
  • 6 medium red beets
  • 1/4 head green cabbage, shredded (about 3 cups)
  • 1/2 cup minced fresh dill
  • 1/2 cup sour cream, for garnish (optional)
For now I will give you just the ingredients… to know how it is made, you must come and see me in action.  I promise, watching me make borscht will leave you breathless.  In the meantime, I have enclosed another photograph of myself for you, so that my indisputable masculinity might take your breath away even from this distance.
Dos vedanya,
Vlad “The Impaler” Putin


Dearest Vlad,


Your recipe for borscht does, indeed, sound delicious.  I shall have to consult my calendar, but perhaps an ecumenical mission to bring the Roman Catholic and the Russian Orthodox Churches together once again is in order.

Yours in the Eucharist,
His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, formerly Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Defender of the Roman Faith

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