You’re a world leader. I’m a world leader. You’re an autocrat; I’m an autocrat. You oversee a massive hierarchy that’s constantly covering up “misdeeds”, let’s say, amongst your rank-and-file; I also oversee a massive hierarchy that’s constantly covering up misdeeds amongst the rank-and-file! Also, misdeeds of my own.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is: Holy See, will you go out with me? We could get some borscht and watch “Failure to Launch.” I can tell you all about the invasion of Chechnya, and you can tell me what it was like to be in Hitler’s Youth. I know you probably get this kind of thing all the time, so here’s a picture of me, too.
Sincerely, Your Biggest Fan,
Vlad “My Dick Is The Impaler!” Putin
Yours in the Eucharist,
His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, formerly Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Defender of the Roman Faith
PS: Thank you for enclosing your picture. Â Should you ever attend Mass at St. Peter’s shirtless on horseback, I will identify you readily!
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