Ask Papa Ratzi

Infallible advice from the Vatican’s very own love doctor!

Dear Pope,

I am a devout Catholic and so am waiting until marriage.  As I always tell my boyfriend, it’s important to express AFFECTION, not AROUSAL!  (I learned that in the ninth grade.  The woman who spoke to us also said that if we’d already lost our purity we could “rewrap the gift”, which was cool, because my gift had been unwrapped a whole bunch of times already, but then it was like, BAM, I’m a virgin again!  Awesome!)  Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been talking about how we’re going to deal with sex after marriage, because I just want to have babies and babies and he keeps telling me that he is unemployed and I am still in community college and we CANNOT AFFORD THAT MANY BABIES.  But I know birth control is not okay, so it’s either babies or no fun for him!

Anyway, the other day he came up with this news article about how you said it was okay for guys to wear condoms now.  I was pretty shocked but then I read the article and it said you said it was only okay for guys to wear condoms now if they were male prostitutes with AIDS.

So here’s my question, Pope: do you think my boyfriend is a male prostitute with AIDS?!?!?!  If you think he is, then I will try to find somebody else to marry.

Thanks,

Gina G. in Australia

My dearest Gina G.,

I do not think your boyfriend is a male prostitute with AIDS.

However, you should probably try to find somebody else to marry anyway.

Yours in the Eucharist,

His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, formerly Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Defender of the Roman Faith